Goals, Shmoals

I did again, I said I wouldn't fall victum and get sucked into starting another year with New Years Resolutions. I did.........but totally revamped and modified the whole premise around the idea.

Resolutions, are they not action items so the same thing doesn't happen again. There for they should be actionable solutions. Who the hell can come up with those with a glass of champange in their hand? I say no one!

Ok, so now what? It's a new year I'm feel frisky to go on with the next year of my life and make it awesome! Crush goals and thoughts. Better myself.

So I came up with goals. ACHIEVE. My favorite word. WIN. Second favorite word. IMPROVE. Third favorite word. STORY........because I want my life to be a story not beige paint on a wall with beige furniture.

My goals are based around personal, fitness and work. Mostly this year I'm working on my fincial planning, professional certifications, publishing in a professional journal and some minor fitness goals.

But the one I'm most proud of adding is GRATITUDE. What a humdinger of a word. I realized I lean toward super negative vibes, especially in the last 3 years. And I keep looking at all I don't have but forget what I do have. With that said I'm practicing gratitude everyday. I'm not going to log it in a notebook I'm just going to do it. Say "I'm a lucky gal because __________". There's the reminding technique then there is showing. I believe that's the hardest one of them all. Showing the people in our lives what they mean to us and thanking them for all they do. Also being consistent with feedback is challenging.

Oh I just thought of one last goal. Focus on being PRESENT. I need to sit in every moment and soak it up. Take the opportunity of the moment to make good sound decisions for myself. I think if I live in the present, my obsessing/anxiety/procrastination will minimize then I can love life even more!

New Year, Nearly Trying To Be Consistent

Okie dokie. I always have a lot to say in life. Anyone that knows me, is literally rolling their eyes right now in agreement.

This blog was suppose to follow my life, connect with people, connect others together and who knows maybe make a person out there feel like someone knows what's up in their life.

Sooooooooo that didn't happen. I wrote some poor me depressed ones. And I then wrote a few about my thyroid cancer journey.

The toughest thing in life is to be consistent. I've learned a lot post-op with my thyroid crap and have managed to have come back and make some gains. And I find that social media is difficult to just put yourself out there with. People are major judger-mick-judgersons. Facebook is rifled with adds, news trends, and reposts of crap to distract you. Snapchat........kill being board at work with your friends, come on admit it haha. Instagram, not too bad, but you run the risk of "hey come see how good I look" pictures and never ending hashtags that make no logical sense. But here I am back to the good old classic, retro online blog.

Most likely not many will find this and/or read this. But for me perhaps it is just a glimpse into my life, and an "in the moment" look at where I've been. Instead of dragging out and obsessing on the past maybe this will help me not beat myself up on how I got to the present. And allow me to see my progression in life.

Oh and I promise pictures!!! I like shiny things, so naturally everyone else likes shiny things. You never know knock knock jokes may emerge as well. It's a grab bag at this point. If you've read this far, yes my brain has no logical way of thinking you are very welcomed!

The 'C' Word and the Relaunch of Mind on Paper

Well I must say its been awhile since I've put life onto paper. But a friend of mine sent me a notebook to jot down thoughts as they came to me. So obviously that kicked my butt and reminded me to put my ramblings here where they should be.

I guess my "relaunch" of this brain forum for myself will be today and with a not so fun topic. I have the 'C' word! Yup that's right I was diagnosed with Papillary Thyroid Cancer, April 5, 2013. This by far has blown my mind more than anything in life. Not because of what it is, but because of how great I feel with this weird occurrence in my body.

I call it the 'C' word because when you tell people you've been diagnoses you might as well have the plague. The sound of it makes people cringe, flinch, and what ever tick you can think of. And let me tell you it gets old and annoying........no wonder why people keep their cancer a secret.....its super awkward to talk about and share. I feel as though people think that by you saying it, it creates the possibility that they one day might have cancer. Well guess what, 1 in 5 people will have cancer, so suck it up!

I'm SO fortunate the cancer I've been diagnosed with is curable, simply by surgery. I will not have to undergo chemo or radiation treatment after surgery. At work I see people with types of cancer that have no good news at the end, except to deal with the current and soon pass away. I however, have the luxury of living my life just the way I want with one minor hiccup of surgery.

Everyone has asked "How did you find it", well folks with Obama Care, that everyone has ripped apart, actually has one amazing benefit........one FREE check up with a primary care physician.....get this.......on an annual basis. Sorry for those who don't have insurance.....just find a way to get assistance, am I joking or not here? haha. Anyway, get your ass to your doctor, get established with a doctor! Tell them you current health status, your health history, hopes, dreams or whatever. That's how my cancer was found, I told my doctor there was a history of thyroid malfunction in my family, which led here to feel a lump on my neck in March 2013. Also ladies, there's an increase of cases like mine.........women our age (25-30) I'd say, are being diagnosed everyday with this type of cancer. It's the most curable, and best outcome........but you need to keep an eye on that thyroid.

With I've learn a few things thus far post-diagnosis about myself that I didn't know. I've also gained insight into the people around me. First, through my friends and family, at first they were all floored at the news. Each one said the same thing "How could someone like, you that's so health, fit and young have this?" Well I'll tell you how..........point mutation. Yes, I'm a biology nerd, and an enginerd. So what happens there you ask well when your genetic material is copied by RNA (its a busy beaver of your genetic material) there a little hiccup in the code, a protein doesn't match up and then its copied over and over again. But I digress from the heart felt life lesson rant. Any who, the other thing friends and family said to me was "Well you're the strongest person mentally, and physically I know.....I know you'll be just fine." This wasn't said just once, but more like a 100 times, but 100 different people from all facets of my life. And they are all nervous but not freaking out. Now that right there might be the most profound instance in my life thus far, say a turning point?

I didn't see that in myself but I guess its there. So that helps me to stay positive and not give up. I mean for me to quit and slow down at anything, I would have to be brought to my knees crawling. I feel to that I need to work on who I am more, and become a solid person for the people around me. So I continue to challenge myself physically every day. It takes my mind off things, plus my brain hurts from work, and I can expand my mind in one week reading a book, but my body will only be as good as I push it. The more I push myself the more it feels like the cancer or the stigma of having cancer has not won yet. And yes the stigma of cancer is real people.

And here's the last of my rant, when I hear people complain about how they aren't succeeding or they didn't reach a goal or they "suck" I want to bitch slap them. First off at the moment they don't have a health issue holding them back what so ever. And I ask them could they continue the path to their goals with the cloud of cancer over their heads? Life is good, if you don't have a thing wrong with you quit bitching and get to work.

UNFLINCHING

You ever try to overhaul you life? It's a daunting task I must say but I feel it's worth it in the end. I've written down large goals or large visions I'd like to accomplish this year. They are not resolutions, because they are not empty promises to myself. These are concrete goals and visions. Underneath each goal/vision are timeline milestones...........big rocks to hop to as I go. Then underneath those are action items to complete to get me to the milestones. Each action item has a clear description, how this will be effective and when I want to complete it.

It looks like this:
Goal: Increase Fitness
          Milestone: Increase endurance
                       Action Item #1: log 3 endurance workouts a week, 20 minutes of work or more
          Milestone: Increase strength
                      Action Item #2: Do 3 power lifting movements, 3 times a week, follow a program

One might think this is NUTS!!! But when I check off each action item how excited am I going to be?!!! I'll be so elated. Shit will get done.

One vision that is the most daunting is facing my demons, difficulties, and challenges. I feel like I've been ignoring certain problems, themes, and obstacles in my life since I was at least 15 years old. I do this by ignoring them, buy crap, or engaging in destructive behavior that just isn't who I am currently. I'm lugging around huge boulders.........I'm done with it. I came across this quote and I feel this is where I want to be by the end of this year. I have a total of 4 books by Pema Chodron, this is the first I've started to read. I will keep you posted..........no pun intended, about my "awakening" with every book I read.

"Lean into the sharp points and fully experience them. The essence of bravery is being without self-deception. Wisdom is inherent in (understanding) emotions."
---- Pema Chodron

                                              

If we avoid the sharp points in life, we just make our lives more complicated and stressful. So I'll face into my issues this year and clean up my internal being.

Another vision of mine is to me exactly who I am on the inside.......no more bullshitting myself and others. I want to learn how to play the bagpipes, I want not drink alcohol much anymore, I want to be an absolute fitness beast, I want to get a tattoo, I want to be raw and unflinching. Unflinching, that's the vision.............
What does that mean..........well according to Merrier-Webster Dictionary (had to be official):

Unflinching

not flinching or shrinking; steadfast; uncompromising

Synonyms: determined, dogged, unrelenting, relentless, unappeasable, and unyielding

Uncompromising

not making or accepting a compromise : making no concessions


These words are intense as hell, but this is how I want to live my life. How many people truly life like this? Or remember anyone who did? These two words are interchangeable but different in a sense. This how I'm going to get shit done. I want people to use these words when describing me...........

So my first challenge is to complete my goal and vision plan. Second challenge is to adhere to it, uncomprosmised by myself or my surroundings.

Stay tuned........

New Perspective: Day 1

In life as a general statement you have to believe in yourself. If you wait for others to cheer you on or pat you on the back, you're just wasting your time. Being on this earth 26 years and 30 plus some odd days I find that you can create yourself. Whatever people thought about you or you thought about yourself isn't necessarily what you should hold on to for the rest of your life.

For the first part of my life I was a sweet kid, then a hardcore academic, then a beer slinging college student that happened to play rugby, then a competitive rugby player, and now I'm at yet another stage of my life where I find the definition of myself changing. Rugby will forever be my sport but the fun has gone from it. And over the last year I've been a little lost, I mean what do you do when your dream of being on the USA Women's Rugby team is gone and its no longer fun to work towards it. I think I changed, and that dream didn't fit me anymore or full fill me. I was lost, rugby was always my home, and my community.

I started Crossfit in March of 2011, although I did not take it seriously until maybe June 2012? If I'm being honest that's when I didn't just "show up". Who I want to be is what Crossfit offers. I love eating Paleo, I feel better, I'm not as jiggly, and it will help push away my inevitable of future diabetes running through my genetic code. Crossfit allows me to not make excuses for myself, and to push myself to do things I figured I couldn't do. Like gymnastic movements I thought they were not my thing.........but I can do them now. I'm crazy competitive, mainly with myself........which is why I've found a home with Crossfit.

I have to say I really don't miss drinking ever weekend, eating pizza, and waking up to bad decisions made the night before. I'm willing to take the path less traveled. I have plenty of time in my life to drink beer and eat bon bons. But why not step out of the norm, and do something that continues to make me uncomfortable?

I promise not to give up on myself. I think that's what we all do, we give up and say the "C" word.......Can't. That's a horrible word. If I can go from never doing a strict pull up in my life to 10 reps on November of 2012...........can't is not a possible out come. Never look at an element in your life as defeating. And from my experience always look to change.

Not Winning Is Still A Victory

So yeah its been awhile, I've either been busy or haven't had anything grant to say. But last time I wrote that a small victory is still a victory. And today I say not winning is still a victory. First I'm not in denial, and I'm not trying to boost my self esteem, haha.

A few weeks back, actually about two weeks ago I did something that I thought I would never do, entered my self into a fitness competition. I've always played team sports and never dabbled in the individual athlete category like tennis, track, etc. So the premise is that I enter the competition as an individual and I picked the  prescribed category. What does that mean? Well that means I do all the movements as the set  weight, height, reps, and standards. The scaled category allows for assisted movements, and lighters weights. So the prescribed category is TOUGH. With that said this was my first competition of ever of this sort, also doing prescribed when in January of this year I was doing most work outs and movements with a scaled element. 

Luckily I wasn't alone, two other women from the fitness gym where there as well, and it was their first competition as well. Let me give you some more details as to why this is a big deal. There are a total of 6 workout over two day, 4 one the 1st day and 2 on the 2nd. Four of the workouts are circuit like, either you need to finish in a set time or do as many round as possible under time cap and two of the workouts are pure beast like strength.

I made it through the two day competition, with minimal soreness and I had so much FUN!!! I got to bond with the the other women and test myself. I mean I exceeded my own expectations of myself. It's an amazing feeling to walk in the literally underdog and be able to keep up! Also I know now I can PUSH myself much HARDER that I have been.

So I didn't win but I had a HUGE victory getting over my fears, and insecurities of my own abilities (standing alone). I'm just so stoked to see what else my body and my mental toughness can do next. The competition made me feel like I could do anything.........Power Lifting Competitions, Strong Women Competitions. 

The experience also made me think about how I live my life. I started to think about the quality of life I was leading, and how I was treating myself. After the competition I started looking at sleeping, nutrition/eating, and stress a lot differently. I can achieve my physical goals, but I have to take care of myself. Nutrition is the key to my success for many reasons. I sleep better, my body recovers quickly, and during workouts I feel capable and strong. This shift is putting me in a life style much different than my friends, family, and co-workers. But I feel that those that will support me will be there and those that don't will drift away. Such is life.

Did I mention that this competition had an over 40 and 50 (age) for women and men? Now that was the most inspiring part. I'm watching these beast-like people over 40 years old crush workouts. I can only hope to be at that level, when I reach that age.

Go out and find your own challenge and the thing that make you so nervous it makes you sweat and go for it! Do whatever you want but try to better yourself in some way. It makes you feel amazing and you emit that onto other people whether you realize or not. I've said this in previous posts, if you bring yourself up, you bring other with you. People want to excel, be the person that helps them get there!

One man had a t-shirt on at the competition (he was competing at the age of 70) that I'll never forget and I'll always abide by, "I'd rather be dead, than average". I guess that's who I've always been. I'd rather excel that stay dormant. I may not be as good as the women in my gym, but I'm better that I was in January...........

A Small Victory.........Is Still A Victory

Yesterday I experienced a small feat in my physical training. I shaved off minutes of a benchmark workout. On 1/3/2012 I did it at 11:30 minutes with two pieces of equipment as an aid. Yesterday, 9/4/2012 I did it at 9:10 minutes with no assistants, just the regular benchmark. Today I feel like I'm on cloud nine let me tell you. It also makes me appreciate all the time and hard work I've put in during the last 8 months. And that's with taking 2 months off for another activity.

My next goal is a bit aggressive, but do the same mentioned benchmark workout in 7 minutes flat! I know I have the true grit to accomplish this,  and I 'm looking forward to all the hard work I'm going to put in in the next 2 months.

In life one should celebrate all improvements, no matter how big or small. I would call them all victories. If we look at them as a major accomplishment it keeps up going. As I keep going through life, I tend count my blessing and victories a bit more. Why wallow in the many defeats you have.........there's no point. Count the time you ran when you felt like sitting or when your hair looked amazing!

So my next and final frontier is to track my goals and progress..........actually do it! That will help my next feat, changing my behavior. I don't want to live my life like most people and most women my age. I want to eat mounts of vegetables, and not energy drinks. I want to totally revolutionize my life........and live my 20s off the beaten path.

So I just keep telling myself I have a small victory everyday.............