So this weekend I got to witness some incredible athletes. It was insane!!!!! During the two days spent watching men and women pushing themselves to the limit, and making personal bests during competing was inspiring to say the least. But after such a weekend I found myself not thinking like a groupie, fan or spectator. I started to think "I can do this". I decided last night I'm going to unleash the beast. I never give up, I'm super competitive, and critical of myself. With just who I've been my whole life I can achieve this crazy notion of fitness. Its not to look sexy or to look cool..........its to prove that I can do this. I truly believe I have what it takes. I've been overlooked for special programs but I'll just put in the 100% effort and time for myself.
Last night I put together four tracking tools. It seems obsessive but it'll be a trail to my success. Hopefully these good habits and mindset pollute the rest of my life as well. I'm ready to shed my old life, in return for a new beginning. I know I won't miss the excessive drinking, sleeping less than 5 hours, being at all the parties, or in the "scene". I won't miss the eating of crap that my body can't handle. For pete sake I overcame a four year battle with an eating disorder without medication or help from a mental health professional. But I'm going to track and plan like no other. Success does not come all of a sudden, but it is something that is well thought out.
I have to admit I'm afraid. Afraid to live this crazy life style that doesn't mirror our current society. Afraid to abandon this image of me that people think is me, but its not. I may lose friends along the way, and have massive haters that think I'm too critical. But all I know is I'm not enjoying the current moment and I'm less than thrilled with how I've been conducting my life. What I used to think was important was crap. I also wanna rock other competitor's lives..........fuck yeah I'm standing next to you competing.
I'm looking at this as a liberating experience. Where it will take me we'll see. I hope to not recognize myself, and shock the hell out of people and keep them endlessly guessing whats next.
STAY FOCUSED. HARD WORK WINS EVERY TIME. PUT THE BLINDS ON. BE UNCOMFORTABLE AND BEAT YOURSELF UP UNMERCIFULLY
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